KATHY GRIFFIN:

She was so famous as Governor, you know, when John McCain picked her after meeting her for ten minutes. And, um, that must have been some blowjob.

*gak*

*clicky*linky* for whole thing [audio]

“I am showering, naked as a jaybird, and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel wrapped around his tush, poking his finger in my chest, yelling at me.”

ray of hope which will be squashed like a baby duck under a DC-10

proposal by Sen. Tom Harman, R-Hungtington Beach ...“Jobs Protection Act” ...any bills that might be detrimental to businesses in the state would be analyzed by an existing bipartisan, six-member body called the Joint Committee on Boards, Commissions and Consumer Protections, which includes senators and Assembly members.

The analysis would assess the bill’s general effect on the state’s economy, whether it will raise taxes or fees, add environmental regulations, boost housing costs or increase requirements for workers’ compensation, disability or health insurance.

Analysts would calculate the estimated annual average cost for businesses to comply with each bill.

It’s complex.  It relies on the Demented Klownz in the CA legislature to make a decision based on financial realities, a subject they know only slightly less about than they do about orbital mechanics. 

It’s a start.

Ladies and gentlemen...Sean Penn.

What can top this?

Sean Penn went on a rant in defense of Venezuelan strongman Hugo Chavez, suggesting prison time for American journalists: “every day, this elected leader is called a dictator here, and we just accept it! And accept it. And this is mainstream media, who should – truly, there should be a bar by which one goes to prison for these kinds of lies.”

Freedom of the press, except where such freedom conflicts with your own starry-eyed masturbatory crush on chubby tinpot tyrants.  I understand your desire to elevate your career by associating with people more clever and talented than yourself, but between Madonna and this douchebag, your track record with regard suggests you might want to hire a professional consultant with some experience in picking viable coattails for you to ride.

How about...this?

“Do I hope that those people die screaming of rectal cancer? Yeah. You know, but I’m not going to spend a lot of energy on it.”

It’s okay, Sean.  We know you’re still new at this whole “wishing death and evil on people” thing, so in this thread, I hope to give you hints on stepping up your game by way of expressing a small sample of what we’ve wished on you through the years.

For example: cancer, even rectal cancer, is pretty bad.  But this is the world of the internet, and wishing butt-cancer on someone is, much like your career, outdated and weak.  The curse is about shock value, and there’s nothing that shocking about this method.  Try fleshing it out with a location, like die of rectal cancer at Christmas dinner.  Or perhaps a more unlikely method, like choke on an oral hemorrhoid.  Though I admit that last one is almost comically improbable, for everyone fortunate enough to not be you.

I assume other contributors will have useful suggestions for you.

wouldja prefer a shiite sammich, mushroom-shiite burger, or shiite on a bed of fresh arugula?

I’ve thought so often about moving.... somewhere What an adventure!  Finding a suitable piece of property, near a suitable community [not filled with moonbats, socialists and runaway Californianz] with similar easy weather, no bugs, low on the dangerous critter scale… With a house or two that is/are already finished and shaped like I like, barns that are functional already, pastures that are already in fine shape and productive… Packing up over a half-century’s accumulated equipment, stuff, supplies, things that might be useful ... and weeding out the junk…

Figuring out how to gather up the whole family—getting everyone to agree on a place to move to—....

Dang!  Adventure my Aunt Fahny!

Some times making a Last Stand is just a matter of being too f’n tired to move on.  So… Last Stand it is. Besides—there’s no place else where this disease is not gonna spread if it’s not stopped NOW.

But with material like this—‘t’ain’ gonna be easy.

When Republican Steve Poizner ran against Ira Ruskin in a heavily Democratic state Assembly district in 2004, Poizner assured voters he was against the war in Iraq, was 100 percent pro-choice and would stand up to “Republican Party bosses.”

But six years after narrowly losing that Peninsula race to the liberal Ruskin, Poizner — who now wants to be governor — is painting himself as the only “true conservative” in the GOP primary. ...

in May 2004 Poizner told a Bay Area News Group reporter: “The right wing of the Republican Party does not represent me.” And during a televised debate five months later, he accused Ruskin and his consultants of trying “to confuse people” and “make people believe that I’m not really a moderate Republican.”

C’mon!  They’re telling me that in a state with 37 million [legal] residents to choose from, this is the best that Demented Klown Kollege, the CA Republican Party, can do?!?

Well....  If we can get the borders closed [yes - closed] I’ll enjoy watching the McMansion developments plowed under to create farm land.

Australian underwear company AussieBum has been monkeying around and the result is a range of men’s underwear made with bananas.

The new eco-friendly banana range of undies incorporates 27 percent banana fiber, 64 percent cotton and 9 percent lycra, AussieBum’s Lloyd Jones said on Friday.

The jokes just write themselves.

Vegans, teetotallers and atheists are to be given the same protection against discrimination as religious groups, under Harriet Harman’s controversial new equality laws.
People who do not eat products and refuse to wear leather have been singled out for inclusion under the new legislation by Labour’s super-quango - the Equalities and Human Rights Commission.
Official guidance issued by the body points out that the ‘ethical commitment’ of vegan’s to animal welfare is ‘central to who they are’.
The code of practice explains the legal implications of the equality bill states that religions need not be mainstream or well known for their adherents to gain protection.
The Equality Bill, masterminded by Labour deputy leader Harriet Harman, is due to come into force this Autumn.

It makes it a legal requirement for public authorities, including schools, to consider the impact of all their policies on minority groups.

Well, pretty soon everyone will be a protected minority. So there’s that.

oxymoron oxen and morons

We The People are, at once,
smart enuff to make the money to fund a ginormous system;
yet dumb enough to need a ginormous system to make decisions for us.

Robert Reich:  “...Set minimum federal standards because we’ve seen over and over again that the recipients of health insurance don’t know what they are buying ...”

George Will:  “...There you have the premise of this legislation and the core of today’s liberalism: the American people are such dopes they can’t be counted upon to buy their own insurance.

Rodgie

I cannot believe it.

Really.... I’m just stunned.

We actually made it through and entire awards show without anyone making a joke about Sarah Palin.

Amazing.

it’s up to us.

The why of America – when it’s all said and done – is simply this: we will be governed with our consent, but we will not be ruled.

now what?

For some folk, it’s just a cryin’ shame they couldn’t get hit by a bus....

Adam Gadahn, an American spokesman for al Qaeda, has been arrested in Pakistan, a senior Pakistani government official source told CNN.

Still, I call the 48 hour rule on this one…

If true, though, the timing is an iron.

In his video message posted online Sunday, Gadahn says…

“I believe that defiant Brother Nidal is the ideal role model for every repentant Muslim in the armies of the unbelievers and apostate regimes,” ...

“The Mujahid brother Nidal Hasan is a pioneer, a trailblazer and a role model who has opened a door, lit a path and shown the way forward for every Muslim who finds himself among the unbelievers and yearns to discharge his duty to Allah and play a part in the defense of Islam and Muslims.” ...

“It is rapidly becoming clear that this already hot global battle is about to get even hotter,” he says. “This is a war which knows no international borders and no single battleground, and that’s why I am calling on every honest and vigilant Muslim in the countries of the Zionist-Crusader alliance in general and America, Britain and Israel in particular to prepare to play his due role in responding to and repelling the aggression of the enemies of Islam.”

Gadahn, 31, is the first American since the World War II era to be charged with treason. In 2006, a federal grand jury in Orange County indicted him for allegedly providing material support to Al Qaeda by appearing in videos on five different occasions between Oct. 27, 2004, and Sept. 11, 2006, with the intent “to betray the United States,”

Yeah—that’s what I wanna hear all summer… This dork shooting off his fat face to the press.

[Yanno… I woulda thought running up and down mountains from cave to cave might be, oh, I dunno, slimming?

Just shows ya how wrong ya can be...]

CBS News’ Farhan Bokhari in Islamabad writes that earlier reports the detained individual was Gadahn proved false. According to a Pakistan security official who spoke with CBS News on condition of anonymity, the arrested individual is in fact “a Taliban militant leader who is known as Abu Yahya.”

Coca-Cola Corp provides beverages to Polar Bears stuk on ise

Giving by U.S. companies endured the worst recession in decades with mixed results as some pared back philanthropy in the face of tough times, others increased budgets and most predicted a steady 2010.

The economic downturn sparked some changes in giving priorities as well, with several companies placing more importance on basic needs such as fighting hunger and homelessness and others focusing more in their local communities.

“This is not just giving money anymore. It’s solving problems. These are social issues that we’re addressing,” said Charles Moore, executive director of the nonprofit Committee Encouraging Corporate Philanthropy.

“Companies continue to examine their priorities. Very few are taking on new kinds of causes, and they are tending to reallocate the funds they do have,” he said. “There’s great expectation on the part of communities and (employees) on companies—they expect more.”

Reuters spoke to 10 companies whose philanthropic arms are ranked by the Foundation Center among the top U.S. foundations. Four said the dollar value of their giving increased in 2009, two said it remained steady, and four said it dropped.

Coca-Cola Co (KO.N), Wal-Mart Stores Inc (WMT.N), MetLife Inc (MET.N) and ExxonMobil (XOM.N) all said their giving rose at least a few percent—from between $1 million and $10 million—in 2009 from 2008, when the collapse of investment bank Lehman Brothers triggered the global economic crisis.

“While we haven’t dramatically changed the areas of giving, we have within those areas concentrated on basic human needs,” said Margaret McKenna, president of the Walmart Foundation. “So we have done a great deal more with hunger relief and work force and basic access to education."…