well.  I guess *I’ve* been told.

If you take uncovered meat and put it on the street, on the pavement, in a garden, in a park or in the backyard, without a cover and the cats eat it, is it the fault of the cat or the uncovered meat? The uncovered meat is the problem.

If the meat was covered, the cats wouldn’t roam around it. If the meat is inside the fridge, they won’t get it.

If the woman is in her boudoir, in her house and if she’s wearing the veil and if she shows modesty, disasters don’t happen.

Satan sees women as half his soldiers. You’re my messenger to achieve my needs. Satan tells women you’re my weapon to bring down any stubborn man. ...

Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Swiss Alps, are a French guy, an American guy, an old Greek lady and a young blonde Swiss girl.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Frenchman has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.
The old lady thinks: The Frenchman must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde thinks: That Frenchman must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.
The Frenchman thinks: The American must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The American thinks: I can’t wait for another tunnel, so I can smack that Frenchman again.

MCPO Airdale

Like many of my fellow Angelenos, I have a love/hate relationship with our local news. On the one hand, the overwhelming sensationalism, the focus on lurid stories or stories that are obviously little more than cleverly-disguised advertisements, and the Hal Fischman commentaries make me want to stab myself in the eye. On the other hand, sometimes you need to get your weather forecast from Tits McGee. And if you tell me you haven’t flipped between KCAL, KTLA, and KTTV during a high-speed chase to get different angles or because the commentary on the current channel wasn’t colossally stupid enough for you . . . well, your pants may very well be on fire.

From time to time, however, our local news delivers something so absolutely wonderful, so utterly perfect and brilliant, you may skip Futurama the following night and tune in again, hoping for a repeat. One of the best moments in probably the last decade of local news coverage is presented for your viewing after the flip. And please flip. This one is a visual.

Metroblogging LA

Close the book.

I’m a
Colored spade
A nigger
A black nigger
A jungle bunny
Jigaboo coon
Pickaninny mau mau

Uncle Tom
Aunt Jemima
Little Black Sambo

Cotton pickin’
Swamp guinea
Junk man
Shoeshine boy

Elevator operator
Table cleaner at Horn & Hardart
Slave voodoo
Zombie
Ubangi lipped

Flat nose
Tap dancin’
Resident of Harlem

And president of
The United States of Love
President of
The United States of Love

(and if you ask him to dinner you’re going to feed him:)

Watermelon
Hominy grits
An’ shortnin’ bread
Alligator ribs
Some pig tails
Some black eyed peas
Some chili
Some collard greens

And if you don’t watch out
This boogie man will get you
Booooooooo!
*

”They’re freaking jungle-drums,” Lockhart tells us. “It’s racist—it tries to conjure up deep, dark African moods. Yeah, it’s overtly racial.”

Dance RACISTS!!!! DANCE!

Youths forced passengers off three buses and set the vehicles on fire overnight in suburban Paris, raising tensions Thursday ahead of the first anniversary of the riots that engulfed France’s rundown, heavily immigrant neighborhoods.

No injuries were reported, but worried bus drivers refused to enter some suburbs after dark, and the prime minister urged a swift, stern response.

The riots in October 2005 raged through housing projects in suburbs nationwide, springing in part from anger over entrenched discrimination against immigrants and their French-born children, many of them Muslims from former French colonies in Africa. Despite an influx of funds and promises, disenchantment still thrives in those communities.

Ahhh… So the French haven’t ponied up enough dough to buy off their imported and domestic jihadists?  Not really the case in my opinion.  What it boils down to is that French are too naive to understand that the “youths” want the French out of France.

About 10 attackers - five of them with handguns - stormed a bus in Montreuil east of Paris early Thursday and forced the passengers off, the RATP transport authority said. They then drove off and set the bus on fire.

See?  Gun control really works!  Or did some unscrupulous gun dealer in a “red state” allow for a straw sale?  Or perhaps it was the dreaded “gun show loophole” that led to the “youths” obtaining the banned items.  Maybe if the French populace were allowed to own and carry firearms the “youths” would think twice about engaging in their mayhem.

France’s inability to better integrate minorities and recent violence against police are becoming major political issues as the campaign heats up for next year’s presidential and parliamentary elections.

Defense Minister Michele Alliot-Marie, who is considering whether to run for president, said that attacks demonstrate “a desire to kill.”

Gee, ya think that could be the case, Mr. (or Mrs. - hard to tell with French names) Alliot-Marie?

I doubt anything like this would happen in the US.  For all of the PC handcuffing our law enforcement officers are saddled with; we at least take law enforcement seriously when it comes to matters of widespread civil unrest.  We’d break out the water cannons, armored vehicles, SWAT teams, and well trained German Shepherds and Belgian Malinois to nip this crap at the bud.

Face it - the French are afraid of the enemy within their own borders.

“We don’t condone the practice of Google bombing, or any other action that seeks to affect the integrity of our search results,” said Ricardo Reyes, a Google spokesman. “A site’s ranking in Google’s search results is automatically determined by computer algorithms using thousands of factors to calculate a page’s relevance to a given query.”

The company’s faith in its system has produced a hands-off policy when it comes to correcting for the effects of Google bombs in the past. Over all, Google says, the integrity of the search product remains intact.
Writing in the company’s blog last year, Marissa Mayer, Google’s director of consumer Web products, suggested that pranks might be “distracting to some, but they don’t affect the overall quality of our search service, whose objectivity, as always, remains the core of our mission.”

Good morning day two!
Cereal spoon *clink*clink*clink*
JR R.I.P.

A national backlash against illegal immigration has many police chiefs squirming behind their badges. They’re the faces of law enforcement in a country that doesn’t always enforce immigration laws.

But Roswell Police Chief Edwin Williams has found an unlikely ally to help him feel true to his duty: the fax machine.

At least once a day his jailers fax the names of inmates suspected of being in the country illegally to immigration agents in Atlanta. It’s a practice Williams started a decade - and roughly 10,000 names - ago, long before illegal immigration grew into a front-burner issue.

Today, Roswell stands alone in the area covered by Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s (ICE) regional office in Atlanta. No other jurisdiction in the Carolinas or Georgia sends such a list, said Kenneth Smith, the office’s special agent-in-charge.

The north Fulton city of 100,000 has faxed the booking sheets of 1,396 detainees to ICE in the past nine months alone, according to police department records. Immigration agents have picked up three of them, Williams said, or one out of every 465.

Metro Atlanta, and many other parts of GA, are facing swelling numbers of illegals.  Construction, landscaping, agriculture, carpet milling and poultry processing industries are the draw for them.  This crap has got to stop.

I understand ICE should focus on terrorists and gang-related illegals.  However, clamping down on all illegals would stem the influx.  And border enforcement sure wouldn’t hurt, either.

“A large majority of Americans want some form of common-sense gun legislation,” Chicago Mayor Richard Daley said Wednesday at the kickoff for a regional strategy session of Mayors Against Illegal Guns. “They don’t want irresponsible dealers to be allowed to sell guns in bulk to gang-bangers.”

The former is a fallacy and the latter is already illegal.  So what’s your point, Daley?  And isn’t the name of your group inherently dishonest?  I mean, we’re all against illegal guns.  You assclowns are also against legal ones, too.

“You can have press conferences all day,” says Wayne LaPierre, NRA executive vice president. “Until you provide 100% enforcement of the existing laws, (criminals are) going to laugh at you, and ... go about their business.”

And we law abiding citizens that cherish our rights will continue to be outraged at you. 

“If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden or in the park, or in the back yard without a cover, and the cats come and eat it ... whose fault is it, the cats or the uncovered meat? The uncovered meat is the problem,” Hilaly told about 500 worshippers, according to a newspaper translation.

Peter Costello, the finance minister, told Australian television: “I hope that the moderate Muslim leaders will speak out today and condemn these comments, make it clear to Muslims that this is not the view of Islam and that they will really take some kind of action.”

Don’t hold your breath, Mr. Costello.

I’m dieting, so I’m trying to keep away from fatty, high-carb foods and stick to lean meat and veggies; however, today someone at the complex where I live decided to throw a party for all the inhabitants and basically bought out a KFC.  As KFC is one of my two favorite foods (the other being good NY style pepperoni pizza) I induldged (though only a breast and a thigh).  It got me to thinking about a vegetarian friend I had in college who was vegetarian due to the fact that he hated the taste of meat (I don’t know if that is true, but that’s what he claimed) but he gave the caveat that he could not resist White Castle Hamburgers and if given the opportunity would suck them down by the plate-load.

So, what is your forbidden fruit; the food that; even if you were on a diet, had religious commandments against, or had diabetes or heart disease, you could not resist?

JR flipped me a little shit when I brought home a little bag from the grocery store. He thought I was going to give it away for Halloween candy. Like OMG....remember hating this shit in your trick-or-treat bag?
It was maybe one step up from the home made treats that some idiot would give out every year and your Mom would make you throw it away in case there was a razor blade in it.

What’s your favorite Brach’s Pick-a-Mix candy? ??????

Bonus PSA:
I took a poll one year of all the neighborhood kids about what candy they liked best to get. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups won like 8 to 1. EVEN better than quarters.

Coupla days ago I caught a sound byte of Senator (pardon me while I ralph) Clintoon saying words to the effect that she “has thought about” a run for the presidency and that given the public interest it would be “difficult not to consider it.” In other news, it’s entirely possible that a dictator somewhere in the world might “think about” condemning the US and a Moslemming might “consider” blowing up some people for the glory of a long-dead pederastic pedophile.  The following just ran out of the ends of my fingers, unsolicited and unabated.  I felt much better after the cathartic episode.........................

I gots me a comment in Phrog!

Can anyone translate this for me?  I got no idea....

working ever closer to that exploding ceegar

CAIRO (Reuters) - Egypt’s President Hosni Mubarak questioned on Thursday whether Muslims had done enough to change the West’s “wrong perceptions” about Islam, which he said was under “ferocious attack”.

He also said Islam needed a fresh religious discourse to promote tolerance and uproot extremist views.

“The Muslim world is facing a ferocious attack, describing Islam wrongly and offending Muslims’ sacred (symbols and figures) and beliefs,” ... “Don’t we Muslims share part of the responsibility for the wrong perceptions about Islam? Have we done our duty in correcting the image of Islam and Muslims?” he said.

You ever look down and say WTF IS that on my shirt???????

Two weeks before the election to determine which party will control Congress, Democrats issued President Bush a failing report card on progress in the war in Iraq.

The report card, prepared by the Democrat-leaning Center for American Progress, gives Bush two “Fs” and two “D-s” and an overall grade of “F.”

And we can always trust what the Center for American Progress tells us.

Operation Urgent Fury commenced 23 years ago today.

19 brave and honorable men never made it back.

Many active duty, reserve, and guard service members are concerned about the war in Iraq and support the withdrawal of U.S. troops. The Appeal for Redress provides a way in which individual service members can appeal to their Congressional Representative and US Senators to urge an end to the U.S. military occupation. The Appeal messages will be delivered to members of Congress at the time of the Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in January 2007.

Nobody forced them to enlist.  All military personnel affiliating themselves with this organization who enlisted or re-enlisted after the commencement of hostilities in Iraq should be brought up on charges.

Time for an expansion of the facilities at Leavenworth.

Been going on my work computer since 5 pm last night; my coworkers think I’m nuts

Have you started your holiday shopping and are stumped as to what to get your libturd friends?

No! Not an endoscope, sillies!

Good Morning Sondra,

My wife and I have a friend that is a mother of a young man who is now serving his second term in Iraq.  Debbie has always been a terrific single mom and loves her kids but she is bombarded with people at her workplace daily telling her how bad President Bush is and that the War on Terror is a sham.  These same people have served in the military and I have not so when I voice my opinion the comeback is “what branch of service were you in”. 

That said, given the eloquence of the folks at KisP I am wondering if they were to write a letter to “Debbie” the mother of a son serving in Iraq a second time and knowing that she is starting to believe all that is being fed to her by left wing friends.  What would KisP’ers say to Debbie???

The word TRUTH seems so simple and basic, doesn’t it? Yet even Merriam-Webster struggles to find the words to define such a simple concept.

· sincerity in action, character, and utterance

· the state of being the case : FACT

· the body of real things, events, and facts

· the property (as of a statement) of being in accord with fact or reality

They were doing fine with these attempts to define TRUTH, right up until they added this line in the 10th On-Line Edition…

· a judgment, proposition, or idea that is true or accepted as true

My guess is, the same folks who broadly interpret “freedom of religion” to mean “freedom from religion”, came up with this late addition to the definition which totally changes the meaning of the word TRUTH. Today, TRUTH doesn’t have to be FACT or TRUE at all.  It only needs to be a JUDGMENT or PROPOSITION which has been ACCEPTED as TRUE …